So You Think You Can Dance begins again!
Jun. 6th, 2009 01:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
icecreamemperorDear So You Think You Can Dance Judges,
I do not care how disappointed you are in a dancer, or how they failed to live up to your expectations or the things you have "heard" about how good the dancer was supposed to be. Contrary to your apparent belief -- and the belief of the show's completely delusional, ego-enabling producers -- this show is not about you. Your job is to help the audience see the dancers more clearly, not to transform everything they do into some kind of personal affront to your ego.
Summary: if you are not Adam Shankman you need to shut the fuck up.
--
Dear So You Think You Can Dance Producers,
I know it is hard to figure out what to do with your 2+ hours of Vegas Week programming -- I mean that's a long time, and you have so little material to work with. For example you only had 170 individual, choreographed solos, 32 of which were performed by the best dancers you could find in the entire country. And that supplemented by a meagre 5 or 6 additional routines -- with hardly more than 50 dancers performing each time. That's really not a lot to start with, given how much the audience for your show detests watching talented people dance; given how much they abhor watching an uninterrupted minute-long clip of choreographed physical expression; how in fact they only put up with an entire season of exactly that so they have an excuse to watch the Audition Week, which you have managed to organize so that it features almost no dancing at all. (Great job on that by the way, best season yet!)
To help you deal with the paucity of raw, quality television at your disposal, here are some things you could use to fill the enormous gaps between people actually dancing:
* More reaction shots of judges in the middle of routines. Like maybe you could extend them to ten, fifteen, even thirty seconds each -- alternately you could keep them short but add to their number, so that each segment of dance is interrupted every four or five seconds, completely distracting the audience from the fact that they are suffering through actual content. A 4- or even 5-1 ratio between judge reaction shots and the dance they are reacting to would be ideal.
* More mean-spirited comments by the judges. These nineteen year olds really need to be taken down a notch, especially the ones that can leap four feet in the air while doing the splits. They all practically ooze ego, with their "this is such a great experience" and "this is really hard" and "I'm just doing my best, and we'll see" -- maybe you could get the judges to really internalize the enormous personal, social and economic power they have over these dancers, due to their position in the competition and the industry. That way the judges can act like total assholes and the dancers won't be able to do anything except cry about it later! Oh and if the dancers do actually call the judges' on any of their bullshit, please don't include that in the show -- remember, we don't like the dancers.
* Not enough attention is paid to the judges' process, maybe you could focus on that a little more -- but be careful not to reveal any actual insights on the dancers or relevant commentary on a performance we just watched! Instead, consider having long shots of the judges deliberating over little cards with the dancers pictures on them! This would be especially good if the audience can't see who they are pointing at or who any of their random, generic comments actually apply to. In fact maybe you could just show the little cards instead of the dancers (unless they're crying.)
* Context must be eliminated at all costs, especially when it comes to reaction shots and judge commentary. This way the audience will be so disoriented you can actually reuse the same clips and comments for multiple dancers, or show the same montage sequence in two different parts of the show -- since we'll have no way of knowing what came after when or what was in response to what, it won't matter.
* Speaking of montage sequences, you could have more of them. There were at least five or six minutes of non-montaged dance this year -- that could easily be cut down into one or two thirty-second montages. Think of all the money you'll save on song rights!
* More drama. People crying makes for great footage, especially if it's the judges crying or if someone is crying because of something the judges said. Have you considered proactively infecting the family members of dancers with debilitating or fatal diseases? I bet they'd really be crying then. Also, a little bit of background music goes a long way -- so make sure to use dramatic or sad background music as often as possible.
* Besides people crying, the next best thing is people getting injured -- which lets you put in at least another ten or fifteen seconds of judge reaction shots. So instead of having only one dance routine where the contestants are forced to stay up all night and perform on no sleep, why not outlaw sleep altogether? This should kill two birds with one stone: mental exhaustion will produce even more crying and physical exhaustion will contribute to painful injuries. Don't sweat it about the quality of dance: that whole insomnia group routine always produces really strong stuff.
I am sure these tips will help you guys refine next year's Vegas Week footage -- with just a few more improvements I think you can get rid of the actual competition altogether. Then we won't have to watch anyone dance at all.
Summary: you are fired.
I do not care how disappointed you are in a dancer, or how they failed to live up to your expectations or the things you have "heard" about how good the dancer was supposed to be. Contrary to your apparent belief -- and the belief of the show's completely delusional, ego-enabling producers -- this show is not about you. Your job is to help the audience see the dancers more clearly, not to transform everything they do into some kind of personal affront to your ego.
Summary: if you are not Adam Shankman you need to shut the fuck up.
--
Dear So You Think You Can Dance Producers,
I know it is hard to figure out what to do with your 2+ hours of Vegas Week programming -- I mean that's a long time, and you have so little material to work with. For example you only had 170 individual, choreographed solos, 32 of which were performed by the best dancers you could find in the entire country. And that supplemented by a meagre 5 or 6 additional routines -- with hardly more than 50 dancers performing each time. That's really not a lot to start with, given how much the audience for your show detests watching talented people dance; given how much they abhor watching an uninterrupted minute-long clip of choreographed physical expression; how in fact they only put up with an entire season of exactly that so they have an excuse to watch the Audition Week, which you have managed to organize so that it features almost no dancing at all. (Great job on that by the way, best season yet!)
To help you deal with the paucity of raw, quality television at your disposal, here are some things you could use to fill the enormous gaps between people actually dancing:
* More reaction shots of judges in the middle of routines. Like maybe you could extend them to ten, fifteen, even thirty seconds each -- alternately you could keep them short but add to their number, so that each segment of dance is interrupted every four or five seconds, completely distracting the audience from the fact that they are suffering through actual content. A 4- or even 5-1 ratio between judge reaction shots and the dance they are reacting to would be ideal.
* More mean-spirited comments by the judges. These nineteen year olds really need to be taken down a notch, especially the ones that can leap four feet in the air while doing the splits. They all practically ooze ego, with their "this is such a great experience" and "this is really hard" and "I'm just doing my best, and we'll see" -- maybe you could get the judges to really internalize the enormous personal, social and economic power they have over these dancers, due to their position in the competition and the industry. That way the judges can act like total assholes and the dancers won't be able to do anything except cry about it later! Oh and if the dancers do actually call the judges' on any of their bullshit, please don't include that in the show -- remember, we don't like the dancers.
* Not enough attention is paid to the judges' process, maybe you could focus on that a little more -- but be careful not to reveal any actual insights on the dancers or relevant commentary on a performance we just watched! Instead, consider having long shots of the judges deliberating over little cards with the dancers pictures on them! This would be especially good if the audience can't see who they are pointing at or who any of their random, generic comments actually apply to. In fact maybe you could just show the little cards instead of the dancers (unless they're crying.)
* Context must be eliminated at all costs, especially when it comes to reaction shots and judge commentary. This way the audience will be so disoriented you can actually reuse the same clips and comments for multiple dancers, or show the same montage sequence in two different parts of the show -- since we'll have no way of knowing what came after when or what was in response to what, it won't matter.
* Speaking of montage sequences, you could have more of them. There were at least five or six minutes of non-montaged dance this year -- that could easily be cut down into one or two thirty-second montages. Think of all the money you'll save on song rights!
* More drama. People crying makes for great footage, especially if it's the judges crying or if someone is crying because of something the judges said. Have you considered proactively infecting the family members of dancers with debilitating or fatal diseases? I bet they'd really be crying then. Also, a little bit of background music goes a long way -- so make sure to use dramatic or sad background music as often as possible.
* Besides people crying, the next best thing is people getting injured -- which lets you put in at least another ten or fifteen seconds of judge reaction shots. So instead of having only one dance routine where the contestants are forced to stay up all night and perform on no sleep, why not outlaw sleep altogether? This should kill two birds with one stone: mental exhaustion will produce even more crying and physical exhaustion will contribute to painful injuries. Don't sweat it about the quality of dance: that whole insomnia group routine always produces really strong stuff.
I am sure these tips will help you guys refine next year's Vegas Week footage -- with just a few more improvements I think you can get rid of the actual competition altogether. Then we won't have to watch anyone dance at all.
Summary: you are fired.
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no subject
Date: 2009-06-06 01:41 pm (UTC)Anyhow, great post.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-06 10:22 pm (UTC)While I do happen to think that guy is an overrated dancer, Mia was definitely over the top this year in general. What was her comment about how she liked cutting... because she doesn't like seeing people who are bad continue to dance? Or something absolutely ridiculous like that? Because surely these people who made it to Vegas should all quit dancing if they get cut!
It's nice to hear her acknowledge her total complex vis-a-vis female dancers, though -- she doesn't usually target male dancers at all, because she lurrrvs them.
no subject
Date: 2009-06-06 10:18 pm (UTC)Yes, well put. The problem is that the judges still sometimes say relevant things regarding show #2 -- so I can't just ignore them completely -- but increasingly it seems like they are enthralled by show #1. And worst of all none of them seem to understand the difference and so they dress up all their show #2 contributions in the language of show #1.
I mean when I watched the Canadian show I just skipped all the judge commentary completely, because they just never said a single relevant thing (and they were insipidly positive) and that was fine. But especially in earlier seasons it seems like Nigel & even Mary & very often the guest judges would actually say something revealing or helpful or even insightful about the dancing. Hopefully now that the actual competition show has started that will be true again.
But what I really don't understand is how they can have 45+ minutes of dance solos being performed by the top 32 dancers and literally not show more than two seconds from each of them. Did they think nobody wanted to see Phillip Chbeeb dance, after they skipped him past the auditions? Just bizarre decision-making.